Pretending
by JacobsBeyondSortOfBeautiful
Summary: "Pretending is all we have to hold on to. For everyone else's sake." A calm silence took us over."Sammy, I'm bad at pretending," she continued."So am I." Sam's account of his long life with his imprint as he tries to get over the one that got away.


**AN: Let's be clear about something before you begin. This is not a happy story. The things described in this fic will be sad and wrong. Some of you may not like what goes on, and that's fine. I just want you to understand this before you bash me lol. ****Let me know if the timeline confuses you. **Happy reading, my dears. 

* * *

She stood before me with her head held high, her shoulders squared, and her eyes determined. She wanted answers and she wanted them now. I've been distant from her for weeks, and avoiding her completely for the past two days; ignoring her calls, pretending I wasn't home, making excuses for why I haven't been around and why I couldn't spend any time with her.

She wants the truth, and I know I owe her that much, but I'm bound by the council. I am not allowed to say a word, except to those in the inner circle, my pack brother Jared, and Emily: my imprint. Even if I wasn't sworn to secrecy, how do you tell the woman you love that you've been secretly seeing her cousin for nearly a month and that you plan on being with her from now until eternity? Oh and by the way I phase into a big ferocious, black-as-night wolf whenever I get angry. Yeah this is going to go smoothly.

Her arms were crossed. She looked like her mother when she would yell at the two of us for coming home in the middle of the night after spending several amazing hours together on the beach.

I've been spending these past two days trying to figure out the best way to do this. I love her, but I know Emily is my soul mate. I feel awful for saying it, but I love her more. She gives me feelings I can't describe. I can't imagine a future without her. Even now at Leah's doorstep I could feel my heartstrings tugging me in Emily's direction. I never wanted to hurt Leah. This was not my choice. But this is the reality that we are all stuck with.

"I know you weren't with your mother at the doctor yesterday, Sam," she finally said after several moments of silence. I didn't know what to say. I spent the entire day and night with Emily. How could I tell her something like that? I bowed my head in shame with my hands stuffed deep into my pockets.

"You've changed. You're bigger, more muscled. You've got that dumb ass tattoo. And you're waltzing around here topless with your ego written all over your face. Now you've been lying to me. Who are you?"

"That's something I've been trying to come up with the answer to for a long time now. I really don't know who I am anymore, Lee."

"What the hell does that even mean, Sam?"

"Leah, it's complicated."

"There's someone else, isn't there? Don't even think about lying to me, Sam." I couldn't lie anymore. I had to tell her as much of the truth as I could. And I had to end this.

I merely nodded. I was never a man of many words.

"Who is she?" Another question. I took a deep breath. I had to be a man and do this. I had to do this for Emily and for Leah. It's not fair to either of them for me to try to keep this ruse up any longer.

"Emily."

The look on her face made me want to die. I could see it as her heart broke for me. Because of me. I know I was killing her right now, but this is Leah, and she wouldn't cry in front of me. Not now, not ever. I don't know if that's a good or bad thing.

"Leah, it's over between us," I painfully continued.

"Oh you're damned right its over, you cheating sack of shit!" she screamed in my face. I deserved all of this. I keep telling myself that this is all for Emily so that I can begin to give her the life I promised her. But being here with Leah, seeing her like this, is making me wonder if it's worth it. It's not like I didn't love her anymore. That would mean I probably never loved her much in the first place. What we had was real. We went through the stages of hating each other, to being best friends, to dating and then falling for each other. With Emily it's like I walked into a brick wall of love and since then I'm walking, talking, thinking 'Emily' all over. Every minute of every day. I didn't mean to fall for her, but I did. And now I have to live with this.

"I'm sorry," I declared.

"Sorry? You can't be serious right now. Get the fuck off of my porch. I don't ever want to see you again!" And with that she slammed the door in my face. I shamefully descended down the steps and walked deep enough into the forest to phase. I had to walk far enough so that she couldn't see me from out of her windows.

I'm still grasping the new me; this wolf man. It's hard to look at my reflection in the lake and see that this is who I am now; a goddamned dog. It's been hard to deal with but Emily has been helping me every step of the way. Thank the heavens for her.

The council never told me very much about imprinting. All they really said was that it was fate's way of connecting two people who would make the best genetic match so that they could breed the strongest offspring. They never once told me what this would feel like. Emily was my sun, always bright, always shining, with my every action, my very existence revolving around her. She was gravity. With each step I am forced to take away from her, she always pulls me back. She was my oxygen and loving her was like breathing. I could not and would not even try to survive without her. I would suffocate. Emily is everything.

Each step takes me closer to her and I can feel all my pain, guilt and regret withering away.

I reached home and she was waiting for me in the kitchen.

"Baby, you're home!" Her arms instantly found their way around me and all was right in the world. Everything made sense, and I know now that ending things with Leah was worth this hug, this life.

* * *

A year later I'm out on patrols with Leah. She was feeling particularly nasty tonight. With all the time that's passed, Leah phased and became the first and only La Push wolf girl. I gave her all my thoughts of my early phasing days, so she could see I never meant to hurt her. I don't know what I was thinking. It only made her even more angry to know that if we weren't plagued by this curse she and I could actually be married by now. We could be happy. It made her even more pissed to know that Emily hadn't given me much of a hard time when we first imprinted. And it blew her top off that she could get into my head and see that Em and I are actually happy. I have not a single complaint. She doesn't piss me off, we don't argue, she doesn't nag. It's the perfect relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it's too perfect.

We're engaged now, planning a wedding for the fall. Leah has refused to attend, naturally. Emily was naive to think she would be the maid of honor. She thought they could use our wedding to fix things between all of us. But that was my Emily, always trying to make things right for everyone else.

She was the complete polar opposite of Leah. Where Leah was feisty, fiery, and ferocious, Emily was tender, calm and loving. And don't get me started on the sex. Sex with Leah was always crazy and spontaneous and kinky as fuck. But sex with Emily is sweet, gentle, and emotional. I don't fuck her against walls and countertops like I did with Leah. It's like making love versus fucking with the two of them. I make love to Emily. Leah is the one who can take the fucking. And damn can she go once you get her started. I'm a man I can't deny that at all. But the fact of the matter is I feel different things with them. I have admitted that I miss the excitement of my relationship with Lee. But what my relationship is lacking with Emily, doesn't make it or her any less perfect. Just different.

I still love Leah, to this day. And she gives me hell just for admitting that. I once let my eyes travel the length of her entire body when we phased out of wolf form and she caught me looking. She cursed me so awfully, but the next day recalled images of herself masturbating while we were on patrol. She was calling my name. And it literally sent me off the edge as I ran to the cliffs and dove off and into the ocean for a 'cold bath'. That was a rough night. I went home and did particularly rough things to Emily. Leah wasn't at all pleased. I feel like she purposely picks my brain for things to use against me. She wants to see me suffer. I tell myself every day that I deserve it. I can't have everything the way I want it and if this is the what I have to deal with to be happy with Emily, then so be it.

_"We need to regroup. Meet me at the edge of the forest near First Beach."_

_"Fuck off, Sam!"_

_"Leah, this is business. Meet me there now,"_ I ordered.

She made no further objections. She couldn't.

When we met up her wolf scowled and bared teeth at me.

_"Get a grip Leah. Tomorrow I'm going to have you and Quil run perimeters from here to the west forest entrance near the highway. I caught a scent last week that I wasn't familiar with. It hasn't come near this way since that day but we need to be careful. If you two find anything you need to let me know immediately. Got it?"_

_"Yeah I got it, asshole."_

I sighed internally.

_"When will this end Leah? We need to move on from this. How many times do I have to tell you that I'm sorry?"_

_"How the fuck am I supposed to move on? You're putting me through hell. One minute you're thinking about her, the next you're thinking about me, then it's her again. And you don't even notice! I hate you for doing this to me."_

_"I hate myself! Every day you remind me of how I hurt you. This isn't what I wanted."_

_"Bullshit, you couldn't even break up with me properly before you started fucking my cousin. I don't want to hear any of your crap, Sam it's all pity. I've been trying to get over it, but you just bring me back to remembering why I'm so bitter all the time."_

That's when anger completely overtook me. When she said that she had been trying to get over me, she subconsciously thought about herself underneath a dark haired man. He was fucking the life out of her.

I know it's been a year and I'm not supposed to care about shit like this, especially when I have a fiancé who's been so great to me. It's the Alpha in me that gets so worked up, pissed, enraged. To think about another man even touching Leah. She caught on to what was going on with me and fueled my fire. She thought about every detail of her sexual endeavor with this jackass. I couldn't take any more I was about to blow a fuse.

"Phase out, now!" I ordered. She did as I told her. I was too angry, too furious to phase out.

"You jealous, Sammy?" Leah teased. She's the only person in the world who gets under my skin like this and she knew it. Standing naked before me in all of her voluptuous glory, she was a sight to die for. The kind of woman with the kind of body to bring men to their knees. Men like me.

I snarled at her. I could really hate her sometimes.

"He fucks so much better than you too," she taunted. I couldn't take it. I ran and ran for miles until I was calm enough to phase back.

I went home to my fiancé. Once she realized I was home she greeted me at the door with the same 'welcome home' kiss that she's been giving me for over a year now. But tonight it wasn't enough.

I pulled her close to me and held her forcefully. She was mine and she was all I needed. To hell with Leah.

With me being naked already, she sensed quick enough what I was about to do. We wasted no time talking, smiling, or flirting. I tore her shirt off her back along with her bra and began kissing her breasts with assertion. She gasped at the trails of flames left by my kisses and touches. I slid her pants of in a swift motion and the scent of her juices assaulted my nostrils and put a terrible strain on my cock.

I placed a hand on her already swelling mound and felt through her underwear just how wet she was for me.

I fucked my fiance for the first time that night. I fucked her on the wall.

* * *

A month after that Emily and I are arguing for the first time. Leah has been getting progressively worse with me during patrols, taking every opportunity she can to torture me with sexual memories. Whether they are memories of me with her, her with another man, or even her by herself is completely dependent upon the day. It's been a cycle. Leah torments me mentally, I get pissed and go home to fuck Emily's head off. I hate to admit it but it's just not the same as it was with Leah. Emily is missing something. But I can't fault her for anything. She does her best. Most times I bend her over and give it to her doggy style anyway so there's not much for her to do.

"I'm not an idiot Sam! I see what's going on here."

I'm exhausted. We just finished having sex on the front porch as I couldn't wait a moment longer to bring her into the house. Now that it's over, Emily is in a nasty mood.

"There's nothing going on here."

"Oh yeah, right. You come home most nights so pissed off you don't even know how to say hello to me anymore when walk through the door. You just get right to it! We haven't made love the way we used to in weeks."

"I'm sorry, Emily."

"I don't want you to be sorry, Sam. I want you to admit that it's Leah that makes you get like this. Admit it she's the one who's been making you so angry every day."

I won't lie to my imprint.

"You're right. It is Leah."

"Then why don't you just stop patrolling with her?"

That's something I stopped asking myself a while ago. I kind of don't want to stop. It's like we're both getting some sick type of thrill from this. She'll pick my brain and see that she actually got to me enough to send me back to Emily like a horny little mutt. And sometimes I'll actually anticipate what it is she has to show me next. Then I get pissed and go home to Emily. I told you, it's a cycle. A cycle that I've never once thought about ending.

"I don't know, Emily. Can we please talk about this later? I don't need the both of you being an immense pain in my ass!"

She poked her tiny little finger into my chest. I didn't even feel it. Her next words hit me below the belt, though.

"You're just like your father, always avoiding your responsibilities as a man! What did it take, a whole month before I finally convinced you to break up with Leah? What a coward!"

I snapped. I wish I could have seen her low blow coming, but I didn't and I snapped. Completely lost it and before I even knew what was happening I was phased on the porch.

She gave one heart shattering scream and my heart broke for the first time. I smelled the blood. I didn't want to bring myself to look at her, but I had to. She was covering her face and her hands were covered in her own blood. I hurt her. My own imprint. I wasn't being careful and I hurt my whole reason for wanting to live.

That day was a day that I will regret for the rest of my long, unnatural life. I married her two weeks later after her scars were healed enough. I had to show her that I was committed to her, and only her. And I ended the childish games with Leah, which made her even more bitter towards me. Being that we no longer patrol together, she takes every single moment we have to try to pick at me. I don't care anymore. I live for my imprint, the way it should be. All lingering feelings for Leah are to be ignored.

* * *

Four months after the wedding, Jacob Black breaks from my pack and assumes his position as the Alpha of his own pack. He takes Seth and Leah with him. A part of me wants to kill the little shit for his defiance, another part of me is grateful that Leah will be even less of a burden to me now.

* * *

A year later: Emily gives me a son. Adam. He is the most beautiful thing I could have ever laid eyes on. Leah moves away. No one knows where she went, no one knows when she'll be back. She never called, she never wrote. All of a sudden she assaults my memories, my thoughts, my dreams. I think of her a lot more than I should. I miss her. This confuses me because I have my imprint. I love her, but for the first time in years I begin to have doubts. I don't know what kind of doubts they are. Just doubts.

* * *

Three years from Adam's birth: I have a daughter; Layla. She is as beautiful and perfect as her mother. Emily and I are happy for the most part. Leah comes home for the first time to announce to her family that she is engaged. I can't find the strength to be happy for her. I can't find the strength to say that I finally stopped loving her. I can't find the strength to congratulate her. So as everyone is giving their excited congratulations, I sit off in a distant corner wishing I was somewhere else.

"This is great news for her, Sam! I can't wait to meet this Evan guy. I hope she lets me plan the wedding," Emily gushes. Evan is Leah's fiance. Leah has finally forgiven Emily, and they are working on building their relationship. I smile in response, because my bitterness would be evident in my voice.

Later that night she finds me on the beach.

"So I haven't seen you in over four years, and you can't bring yourself to welcome me back? What's up with you, Uley?" Same old Leah. Same temper, same annoyance.

"I thought you would be out showing off your expensive new ring some more. Didn't want to get in your way."

"How is it that after everything we've been through, you still get so jealous? What are you allowed to move on, get married, have kids, and I'm not? Can you not stand to see me happy?"

"I always wanted you to move on, Lee. I just didn't know it would be that hard to watch," I admitted.

"We're not in love anymore, Sam. We need to just get on with our lives and be happy for each other."

"Fine. I'll pretend to be happy for you. But I can't sit in front of you and tell you I don't love you anymore. I never stopped and I don't think I ever will. I was so happy when you left. I thought I'd never see you again and I could focus all of my attention on Emily and our marriage. Now you come back with this fancy new ring, and you've got a fancy new man. What the hell am I supposed to feel?"

"What the hell, Sam you think it was easy when you married my own cousin? I couldn't even prove to myself that I was strong enough to go and give you my best wishes. It was the worst day of my life. But I got over it. I got over you."

"You don't mean that." I declared. She was lying, I knew it.

"I found someone else, Sam."

"So did I. And yet you're still on my mind to this day."

"Why are you doing this? Why are you taking me back to places that I can't deal with."

"Because it's time we face the facts. We never once had it out properly. Leah, I still love you. I love Emily, but I never stopped loving you. You were the one I chose to be with. You were the woman I wanted."

"And why are you waiting until now, after all this time to say something?"

"The imprint is different now."

"What do you mean different?"

"I mean it's not as strong anymore."

"How is that even possible?"

"I figured it out. Imprint couples are made to produce the best genetic combinations to make the strongest wolf gene in our offspring. What happens after the imprint serves its purpose? All thoughts lead me back to you."

She for once had nothing to say. I took this moment to do something I hadn't done in years. Who knows when I would get another chance? Another three years down the road? I kissed her. And I felt not one ounce of regret. It was everything my life had been missing and more.

"I love you, Leah. And I'll never stop," I said as I pulled back from our kiss. And for the first time in all the years that I have known this woman, I watched her shed tears.

"Sam Uley, I'll never forgive you for this."

She ran away. A huge part of me, the best part, was missing. And she was running away with it.

I thought that would be the last of her but she came to me in the night. Just showed up on my front porch. She was still the same fearless woman with the balls to show up at my house to tell me exactly how she feels. Another thing I love about her. She was waiting on me to come back from patrols.

"I thought you'd be long gone by now."

"I was on my way. I was going to leave and never come back. But I turned right around after thirty minutes on the highway. I couldn't leave you just yet."

"So you are going back?"

"I have to. I love him. And I made him a promise. I promised I would marry him."

"Then why are you here now?"

"I'm here to tell you that I still love you too. But it doesn't mean anything. It won't change anything. I am going to marry Evan and you are going to live your life with Emily and the kids. You're going to have more pups and continue to protect and lead our tribe. That's where our paths will lead us. We can't keep living in the past, Sam. It's not good for us. I won't be coming back."

"You're right. But you could have written that in a letter. So I'll ask you again, why are you here, Lee?"

"Because if this is the last time I'll ever see you, I have to make it count."

I was ready for what was coming next. I've been ready for a while. It was all I could think of tonight. When she kissed me it was everything I ever remembered about her, everything I've been thinking about, everything I've been missing.

My heart was beating fast in my chest, my mind spinning. Overwhelmed with raw passion I pulled our bodies close so that I could feel her again. I didn't know what she wanted from me, but I was entirely content to kiss her just like this. Holding her, and feeling the way she melted in my arms was bliss.

I grazed my hands down the length of her back and she moistened in response. I could smell it. My own member jolted in response. I broke our kiss so that I could look into her eyes and find what she wanted. In her gaze I found sadness, and love, and desire.

"We should stop, before we do worse things that we can't take back," she said sadly. I knew she didn't want to stop, and neither did I.

"We should," I agreed. Of course we should stop. We both committed ourselves to other people. I had a family. She was engaged now. But how could we deny each other something we both want so badly.

Leah began to pull away, but I only pulled her closer, held her tighter.

"The things I'm about to do with you are things I'll never want to take back. Never for as long as I live. You're worth everything to me."

I kissed her again, more forcefully, more passionately. And she returned the fire. I picked her up and carried her onto the porch bench. Before I could realize we were both fully nude with our hands all over each other. I can't believe we're here in this moment.

"I love you, Lee." I felt like I would die if I didn't tell her again.

"I love you too," she said as she let two tears drop. She was crying again. I'm not used to seeing her so vulnerable and open; not that I'm complaining. I loved this part of her too.

"Shhh, baby." I kissed her wet cheeks.

"This has to be the last time," she said through her sniffles. I knew she was right, but I didn't want to think about that now. I wanted to enjoy her while I had her.

She spread her legs for me, giving me a perfect view of her perfectly shaved, glistening mound. My heart raced in anticipation and the pressure in my dick was enough to drive me insane. I slowly placed the head onto her folds and eased myself in, wanting to savor every single moment of this. Euphoria.

For the very first time, I made love to Leah Clearwater. It was sweet, soft, slow. Everything it never was before. She cried through most of it. We did it again, and again, and again until we were spent. And too soon, it was over.

We gathered my cutoffs, and her clothing and got dressed.

"I won't call, I won't write, and I won't come back," she said with finality.

"I know." This was so painful, but necessary for both of our sakes. I wanted her to be happy, I really did; which is why I didn't argue or try to change her mind.

"I'm sorry," I said. Without having to say what I was sorry for, she knew what I meant. I was sorry that I ever imprinted, broke her heart, and just now I'm sorry that I pulled her back in and reminded her of what we have both lost.

"Me too."

I held her close, kissed her forehead and with a lump in the pit of my throat I watched as she got in the car and drove away.

I sat on the porch bench where we just made the sweetest love just moments ago. I sat there for some time.

I went inside. Maybe I should have showered, freshened up, but I couldn't bring myself to remove the traces of her from my body. I got into bed next to Emily.

"Welcome home, babe. Missed you." she said sleepily as she snuggled up to my chest.

"Missed you too." That was the first time I ever lied to her.

The next day I asked Emily to go to Home Depot to pick out a new porch bench. When she asked why, I told her the one we had was old and we needed something more comfortable. The truth was, I couldn't stand to come home every day and relive my last time with Leah.

* * *

The years went on. I have two more children; Kara and Ava. Twin girls. They are amazing kids; so beautiful.

* * *

Time flies. Adam is eighteen and I've trained him as best as I can. He's ready to take my place as Alpha with Layla, now fifteen, as his beta. They are such strong kids who work so well together. I'd put all my faith in them. I'm confident that they will protect our tribe. The twins, now four years old, are growing up so beautifully.

* * *

On our twentieth anniversary Emily wants to talk. She wants me to stop phasing, now that our children have been holding their own with the pack for a year. This is the way it should be. Emily has aged a bit, and my attraction to her has been dwindling. I still have the face and figure of my nineteen year old self. This is hard for her to deal with. She wants to grow old together.

I tell her that I will stop soon.

* * *

More years pass. I haven't stopped.

At the dinner table Ava interrupts my thoughts as she speaks.

"Daddy, why does mommy look so old, and you don't?"

Emily's jaw dropped. She was mortified.

Layla came to my rescue.

"Hey girls, who wants ice cream for dessert?" She says.

"Me, me!"

"I do, I do!"

Layla and Adam grab the girls and the car keys and leave.

Emily has already left the table and gone up to our bedroom without my noticing. I start to feel bad.

I went up to talk to her. She was already crying.

"Emily, I'm sorry."

She continued to cry. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't ready to stop phasing. Somewhere in the pit of my chest I knew that the love of my life was out in the world somewhere, still phasing too. I can't give up the only part of me that's still connected to her. I know I was being selfish, but I never asked for any of this shit. I never wanted it. I love my family, don't get me wrong. But Leah is the only decision I've ever made for myself. She was the only thing I ever asked for and I've been forced all these years to go without her. And while I know I would never see her again, I still hoped.

Emily had no words for me and I didn't know how to make her feel better. I went back downstairs to clear the dinner table and left her to cry. When I went to our bedroom to turn in for the night, I was surprised to find Emily in her favorite lingerie.

"Do you like it?" she asked shyly.

"You look great," I stated. She did.

"You haven't touched me in months, I thought we could have a special night since the kids are out."

"Come here," I beckoned her.

She stepped over to me and we kissed deeply for the first time in a while. We made love to each other, but the whole time I wished I was with another woman. You would think that our night ended well, but I royally fucked up. I called for Leah in the middle of my orgasm. Emily was horrified. We never spoke about that night and she never asked me to stop phasing again.

* * *

After her forty-fifth birthday we discovered that Emily had heart disease. Later that year her aunt Sue passed away. Leah's mom had died. I almost made it to the funeral, I swear I wanted to be there for Emily and Seth and all of our combined children. But I couldn't get out of the car. I saw Leah emerge from a silky black Mercedes with her sunglasses on. She was escorted by her middle aged husband and she looked exactly the same as I remembered. My heart stopped mid-beat. Emily hadn't noticed me staring at her. If she did, she pretended not to.

I had been yearning to see her all these years, yet now I couldn't make it out of the car. I apologized to Emily and gave her the car keys. I told her I would make my own way home. She didn't complain. She and our kids went into the funeral home and I ran off.

She always knows where to find me though. Hours after the funeral I was sitting on the sand at First Beach. Like a vision she walked along the shore and made her way to me. She was just as beautiful as I remembered. No, my memories did her no justice. She was a goddess.

She plopped down gracelessly next to me and looked along the horizon.

"Didn't see you at the funeral," she started.

"I'm sorry. I couldn't make it inside."

"I know. I hoped you wouldn't come."

"Yeah? Why's that?"

"Because in a public setting it's that much harder to pretend that I'm happy without you," she plainly stated.

I chuckled. Same old Lee.

"Pretending is all we have to hold on to. For everyone else's sake."

A calm silence took us over. She scooted closer to me and rested her head on my shoulder.

"Sammy, I'm bad at pretending," she continued.

"So am I," I said definitively.

"Let's run away together," she said.

We both started to laugh so hard, just like we used to.

"I think your husband would notice if you didn't come back tonight."

"Nah, he's already on his way home. Took an early flight to get back to work. When I say 'work' I mean his whore mistress."

"Jeez, that guy's an asshole. He doesn't deserve you."

"And you do?" she questioned.

"If things were different, you wouldn't have to ask."

She spoke again after a few moments, changing the topic. "She's really gone, Sam."

"I know, I'm so sorry."

"You don't understand. The first time I've seen her in twenty-one years is in a casket. I abandoned her. I abandoned my family and my tribe. I feel so awful."

I never know what to say, but she already knew that. I just hugged her to me and let her cry it out.

"It's not worth it." She didn't need to elaborate.

"You really think so?"

"What's the sense? Evan knows I don't love him anymore. I'm missing years with my family. I need to be here for my brother. I miss you so much."

As much as my heart filled to hear that she wanted to come home, it was my duty as a father, husband, and man to say what I had to say.

"We can't be together, Lee."

She sighed.

"I know. But I've been waiting for you to be mine again for twenty-six years. What's twenty-six more?"

"I don't want you to keep waiting, Lee."

"And you think I want to? I can't erase how I feel about you, no matter how hard I try."

"I know. I can't either. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Sam."

We kissed. And we made love on the sand. We promised each other again that this would be the last time.

* * *

She moved back the next year. Emily didn't say as much but I could tell she wasn't pleased. I tried my very best to pretend as if there was any love left in our marriage. I was a great father to our children. I even tried to keep our sex life stable, which was proving harder to do now that Emily isn't as limber as she used to be and she tired very easily.

Leah moved into her old home and helped Seth and his wife with their children. She worked in Seattle. We kept our distance for the first few years.

* * *

Now my oldest daughter is twenty-five and I just gave her away at her wedding. I am a very proud father. Leah attended the service looking as heavenly as ever. I fucked her in the forest. That was supposed to be the last time.

* * *

It was six years later the day I found Emily, lifeless on the floor next to our bed. She died of a heart attack. My heart broke for her. I had been trying all these years to be the best husband to her that I could have possibly been. Our imprint broke, that was nobody's fault. I still tried to be there for her. Despite the cheating I think I gave her a great life. I'm just so sad that she wasted it with me. I used to love her, but that love was conditional. It was based on our imprint, our genetic make up. I would miss her, but I'm glad that she is finally free of me. I wasn't making her happy.

I was strong for our children during her funeral. I gave a sincere and heartfelt speech. When it was over all of my kids took me home. We talked and laughed and remembered Emily in the best ways.

Adam pulled me aside.

"Hey, dad. Look, mom gave this to me a couple months ago. She knew her last days were coming fast and she told me to give you this letter once she passed. Why don't you go upstairs and take some time to read it?"

He handed me the letter. I did as he advised. The letter read:

_My Dearest Sam,_

_ Should you get to read this, then it means I am already gone. I just wanted to thank you for loving me for all of these long years. You are a wonderful father and a wonderful husband. I wanted to tell you that now that I am gone, I need you to be happy. I know for some time I stopped making you happy, and I know that you were trying. But there's someone else you'd rather spend the rest of your life with. I realized at my aunt's funeral when I noticed that Leah had never stopped phasing that you two belong together. I took you from her all those years ago, but the love you two had has survived it while ours has fallen apart. We may have been made for each other, but she is the one you belong with. If it weren't for our children I would have let you go so long ago. I had a hard time coming to terms with this, but I am fine now. I have accepted it, and I want more than anything for the two of you to be happy together. I already spoke with the kids. They support you no matter what. You have my blessing to be with the woman you really love. Do not mourn me, I am no longer in pain due to my sickness. Just please hold our family together, be there for our children, and love Leah enough for the both of us._

_ Love Always,_

_ Emily_

I never cried so hard in my life after reading Emily's letter. But I did as she told me. Leah and I lived a long, happy life.

Imprinting on Emily may have been one of the worst things to ever happen. If it weren't for my kids, I'd completely regret it. It was wrong that she and I were forced together and inevitably pulled apart. She should have been able to choose her life, but instead this life chose her. I will always remember her, always love her for her role in my life.

None of this was fair; the imprint, the life we lived together, the pain we had to suffer through. But then again, life isn't fair. I'm just glad that now, after all these years, I finally have a choice. Leah was my choice. And it would be her every time.


End file.
